N-A-D-I-A

On 20th May 2001, approximately 1:45am, Shazila Nadia was born into this world at Subang Jaya Medical Center. It was an experience that I will never forget. My child ...in my arms. All the pain and suffering forgotten in that very moment. The seed that I have carried and nurtured inside me has grew to become a beautiful being. A life with its own soul.

I remember that when I first found out that I was pregnant with Nadia, I cried. I wasn't ready. We just got married, I was still struggling to manage life as a wife, and we just moved into our own house. That morning, as Aja was getting ready to go to work, I took one of those pregnancy test-kit. I suspected but was still in denial. Aja was already walking down the staircase when the results came out. Two lines. I was pregnant.
I chase after him and as I relate the outcome of the test, I began to cry. I was SCARED!
I didn't want a baby yet! I was just NOT ready!

The pregnancy was a tough one for me. The morning sickness should have been called the 24-hour sickness because I was sick the whole time. I couldn't stand the smell of the newly-painted house, the smell of the new furnitures, so we moved back to my parents' place. I couldn't stand the smell of Aja's cologne so he started wearing them in the car on the way to work, and made sure that he quickly takes a shower when he comes back or to steer clear away from me.
Neither food nor liquid can enter me as they will just go out again.
Only after the 2nd-trimester did things start to improve. The baby was beginning to move around. I can feel her growing inside me. The miracle of life.
My feelings and attitude changed over time, I didn't know when but suddenly I couldn't wait to see my baby. I began to believe that I can be a good mother and that I can and will give the very best to her.We started talking to her everyday. I loved it when she would kick or turn and twist whenever I called out her name. I was looking forward to seeing my baby.

When the day came, and Shazila Nadia was in my arms, I cried again. But this time, it was tears of joy and happiness. I can't explain the feeling. No words can do justice. I held her close and as I kissed her for the first time, I made a promise to Allah.
This child...
that you have blessed into my life,
I promise to take care of her,
give her all the best that I could.
I will love her, nurture her, for she is MINE.

My baby, Shazila Nadia Muzafar Shah.

Below is a picture of Nadia during her 8th birthday party (held on 16/05/2009).

Although she is eight now, she will always be my baby

To Nadia, if you're reading this, always remember that Mama loves you very much! You and your sisters are all unique and special to me. I love all of you. You, my firstborn, are so like Mama. Among my babies, you are the one that has closely resembled me in both looks and behaviour. I know that you will grow up to be even more special, you make me so proud.

Remember that Mama is there for you, every step that you make in this world, ALWAYS!